Dance With the Wind
by zzzaney
Summary: A continuation of Shadows of the Past
1. Default Chapter

dance

Ranec followed the others from his customary place in the back of the line. He liked being in the rear. It gave him time to think, and allowed him to keep an eye out for predators who may be trailing them. He also liked the fact that since he was in the rear, no one would be looking at him. 

Ranec surveyed his traveling companions with a bit of irony. Who would have thought that he, Ranec of the Mamutoi would be willingly traveling to the Zelandonii. Traveling to the people of his rival. He shook his head and let out a little snort at the thought. Looking to the front of the line, Jondalar was walking, leading Racer. Close behind was Ayla who was riding Whinney, and he knew that the traveling was hard on her. She had to be due any time now, and since the weather was still so cold, with snow storms intermittently, they had been riding hard to gain as much distance as possible. Tholiza was sitting in front of Ayla while she held the toddler tightly to make sure she didn't fall off the gentle mare. 

Madenia was still an enigma to him. Here she was, young, beautiful and could have had any man she wanted if she were Mamutoi, but she had chosen to give up her people and travel with them. He knew something terrible had happened to her, and had a good idea what it could have been, but he still didn't have any details. 

Since they were traveling together, he tried on many occasions to turn her head, but she kept her distance, though she was nice enough. It was starting to become a playful challenge for him. He always was attracted to women who seemed to be immune to his charms, and she was one with a secret. A more intriguing combination he couldn't imagine. Besides, it helped him to keep his mind off of Ayla. 

The line came to a halt and Ranec looked up to see Jondalar patting down Racer before reaching for Tholiza from Ayla. Madenia stepped up and took the toddler as Jondalar helped Ayla down. 

"We'll camp here tonight. There's a small stream not too far in that direction," Jondalar pointed, "and we can probably find some game around here." 

Madenia hugged Tholiza to her. "It's really cold." 

Ayla smiled sympathetically at the young woman. She'd never been on a journey, and all her life had a warm cave to live in during the winter. Being out all day, every day in this weather wasn't easy. Ayla had to admit though that Madenia rarely complained. She did her share of the work and mostly kept to herself. She was more than willing to speak with Ayla on most any subject, but Ayla noticed that she tended to avoid Jondalar and Ranec. 

"That's because we're nearing the glacier. The last time we traveled this way, we went over the glacier. Now with a new baby on the way as well as Tholiza, we've decided to go around." 

Madenia looked puzzled. "Why are we going north then? The southern route would be quicker." 

It seemed the route that Ranec had used was well known to the Losandunai, and Ayla too wondered why it wasn't used often. 

"We're going to stop by the Lanzandonii to visit. They were....accepting, of us and we'll stop there to visit as well as replenish our supplies if necessary." Ayla explained. She left out the fact that she knew Jondalar would want to see his kin again. Neither of them knew what kind of a welcome they'd receive, and she wasn't too anxious about seeing Jerika again. How would she react to the fact that Ayla gave birth to a child of Jondalar's spirit? Perhaps two? She glanced at Ranec. Perhaps one, she thought. 

The baby kicked and Ayla rubbed her belly as she sighed. The temperature was dropping rapidly and there was much work to be done to establish camp. Ayla unhitched Whinney while Jondalar did the same with Racer. The four had quickly established a routine where Ranec and Madenia would set up the tents while Ayla would start a fire with the burning stones that Losanduna had given them as a gift. She used them sparingly just to start the fire. Most of the wood they found was damp and difficult to light even with the firestones. 

After the horses were unhitched and the fire going, the men would go off to hunt while Madenia and Ayla would start tea. Ayla had taken to adding extra herbs to give them the nutrients they needed during winter. It helped with their cravings for fresh vegetables, and sometimes when food was scarce, it helped to fill their bellies. The glacier was now visible in the distance. Well, not the ice itself, but the mist was. Only on the clearest of days could they see the actual ice. 

The dreams that Ayla had been having, or rather nightmares, were all but gone now. She started to see her spirit totem again at night and she knew that she was once again being protected. Ayla had taken her best leather work and sacrificed it to her totem to give thanks. 

Almost immediately, Ayla had found a small spiral shell and knew her totem had accepted the gift. She placed it in the pouch around her neck and felt herself relax. She was doing the right thing after all. 

Ayla stirred the embers and added more wood to the dying fire. She looked around the campsite for any predators that may have wandered into the area, though she knew that the horses, as well as Wolf, would warn her in plenty of time. 

Whinney lifted her head and let out a soft nicker, which Ayla returned. She had tried most of the night of sleep but it wouldn't come. She just couldn't find a comfortable position. Giving up, Ayla donned her parka and mittens and left the warm tent. Knowing that everyone would probably be waking up soon, she decided to boil some water for tea. They hadn't been by a stream in two days, so Ayla scooped up snow into a large skin to melt, then boil. 

Wolf poked his head out of Madenia's small tent. Lately, the animal had taken to sleeping with the young woman, probably knowing that she needed support. He always had been sensitive to the needs of others. Ayla's eyes misted as she thought of the special way he had taken Rydag under his wing and looked after the boy. 

Ayla felt the small ache start in her back and shifted position again. They still had a long way to go before reaching the Zelandonii, and she knew that though it was still winter, it would be well into summer before they arrived. Jondalar had estimated that they'd arrive during a summer meeting, and hoped that they'd reach Dalanar's cave before the Lanzandonii left for the gathering. It would be nicer to travel with others for a change. 

Ayla shivered and hunkered closer to the fire. It seemed as if they'd never be warm again. She knew that it would still get a lot colder before they made it to the glacier, and decided to ask Jondalar about going north before it became much colder. 

Ayla was so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed the wind die down and an eerie calm envelop the darkness. Wolf whined bringing her back to the present and she looked around. It was then that she heard it. 

Off in the distance, it sounded like someone was playing a reed flute. She hadn't heard such a beautiful sound since they'd left the Mamutoi. When Deegie had taken her into the music tent at their summer gathering. It wasn't a particular melody, just a sad, lonely tune. Ayla wondered if there was a camp nearby. Certainly the sound wouldn't have been able to travel that far on the wind, could it? She was hoping that they'd meet other people before reaching the Lanzandonii. After all, they wouldn't get there until early spring and that was still a long time away. 

She could hear stirring and looked towards Ranec's tent. He was getting up early today, she thought as the flap pulled back and the carver smiled at her. 

"Good morning" she greeted as she placed a rather flat rock into the fires edge. 

"Good morning. What are you doing up so early?" Ranec asked as he stretched and then shivered rubbing his arms. Though he was wearing a parka, it was cold. 

"I couldn't sleep." 

"Again? Are you still having the nightmares?" 

Ayla shook her head. "no, I just can't seem to get comfortable today." 

Ranec nodded and headed off into the woods, no doubt to relieve himself Ayla thought. After a few moments he returned and sat down beside Ayla. Pulling her to him, she rested her head on his shoulder and he slipped his hand under her parka, rubbing the knots out of her back. 

Ayla let out a breath as the tension started to leave her body. "that feels good." 

Ranec smiled and bent a little inhaling her scent. He closed his eyes savoring the all too rare moment before clearing his throat. "I'm glad." 

He watched as Ayla closed her eyes and leaned against him deeper. He still longed for her in his heart, but knew it was a dream never to be realized. He had made a promise that he'd travel as friends. That's it. He knew that she loved Jondalar, and there was nothing he could do to change that. 

Still, he valued her friendship more than anything, and even if it meant that his heart would break everyday, he would be there for her as a friend. There was still the part of him that wished she would mate with him, and bring children of his spirit to their hearth. 

Maybe, he thought, Muta would bless Ayla with a child of his spirit. Not that he would admit it to anyone, but he asked the Mother to do just that on many occasions. 

Ranec felt her body tense and looked at her worriedly. Her eyes were still closed, but her brows were furrowed. 

"Are you alright?" 

"I..I think it is soon time." Ayla admitted somewhat hesitantly. 

"Time? For what?" 

Ayla sat up and looked at Ranec, she looked just like a frightened animal, he thought as he watched a small tear cascade down her cheek. 

Taking her mitted hand, he wiped at the tear streak. "What's wrong Ayla? You can tell me."

Ayla swallowed hard and let out a shaky breath. "I think the baby's coming." 

Ranec stared at her in shock as the words set in. when realization struck, his face split into a big smile and he pulled her to him. "Ayla that's wonderful! You must rest. Let's get you back into the tent." He started to stand but she shook her head no and pulled her hand from his. 

"There is time left. It will probably be awhile before the baby comes. Maybe later today. I am just now starting to feel a little pain. It is still more of a discomfort." 

Ranec didn't seem to calm down at all as he stared at her. When he didn't answer, she looked back up at him and couldn't help but smile. "Relax Ranec. I've been through this twice before." 

"But..we have to do *something*. You need other women around. I'll wake Madenia!" 

"You'll do no such thing! It's not even morning yet. Everyone will be up soon enough and it will be a long day." 

Ranec sat down somewhat reluctantly as he continued to stare at her. She didn't seem excited as most women are at this time. Perhaps it was because they were out here, without the help of a cave around? 

Both of them sat in silence while the water boiled, and Ayla dug some herbs out of her medicine bag, separating them into different bowls for later. The sky was starting to turn a little lighter, and Ayla knew the others would be waking soon. 

Taking a parchment that she stored the leftovers in last night, Ayla mixed some grain into the mixture and once it was still enough, placed little cakes on the heated rock to cook. 

Ranec didn't know what to make of her mood. He'd been around many women who were going to have babies, and though they were normally at the back of the cave with other women around, the mood had been happy and light. Ayla seemed nervous and frightened. Of course, he would be too if he had to give birth out in the middle of no where. What if something went wrong? Who would they turn to for help? They were too far from the Losandunai to return for help. They had been traveling for at least 3 weeks. According to Jondalar there was no other camps between there and his people. At least not on this side of the glacier. 

Not knowing really what to do, and wanting to wake Jondalar and Madenia, Ranec moved over to Ayla again and continued to rub her lower back. When the cakes were finished, Ayla unexpectedly leaned over and rested her head in his lap as he continued his ministrations. It didn't take long before she was asleep. 

When Jondalar came out of the tent, Ranec breathed a sigh of relief. "It's about time you got up!" 

"What's wrong?" Jondalar asked, looking around. The horses were nearby and Wolf was by the fire. Ayla seemed to be sleeping and he went over to her. "she couldn't sleep again?" he softly asked so he didn't disturb her, as he brushed a strand of hair out of her face. 

"Oh Muta! I wish it was just that."  
Jondalar looked at him puzzled. "She said she thought it was time for the baby to come, then she wouldn't let me wake anyone. Next thing I know she falls asleep! I don't know what to do." 

Jondalar frowned as he looked down at the woman he loved. It was then he became aware that Ranec was massaging the small of her back and smiled in relief. 

"That'll do it every time." He nodded to Ranec and the carver stopped. "When she was pregnant with Tholiza, every time I rubbed her back she'd fall asleep." His smile faded as he looked around. 

"We do need to get her out of his weather. It could snow any time again. How are the supplies looking? Do we still have most of the deer we killed?" 

Ranec shook his head. "Only about half."  
"We're going to have to stay here for awhile, and also go hunting. Ayla won't be able to travel for at least half a moon." 

"I'll go as soon as we get her settled." Ranec then looked around at the small tents. No one could really do anything more than lay down in them, maybe sit. Jondalar and he would both had to hunker over at little to even do that. 

"Why don't we combine the tents like we used to? Including Madenia's? that way Ayla will have more room for the baby and it will be warmer." 

Jondalar looked at the three tents and nodded. "It's a good idea. It will be crowded, but this way there is more room for her to give birth." He looked at Ayla sleeping peacefully. "Are you sure she said it's time?" he just couldn't imagine her sleeping at a time like this. 

"Of course I'm sure!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ayla woke to find three pairs of very concerned eyes staring at her. Blushing, she sat up and Jondalar quickly moved over supporting her against his chest. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked, concerned. 

"Fine. I'm, uh, sorry for worrying everyone. I guess it isn't time after all." Ayla sheepishly admitted. She knew that sometimes the spirits made women think they were in labor, only to make them wait. Sometimes that could happen for weeks, she knew, but she never thought it would happen to her. 

A collective breath was let out as her traveling companions relaxed. Ayla was handed a cup of tea by Madenia, and smiled her thanks as she looked around the 'tent'. 

"When did you put the tents together?" She asked, puzzled and wondered briefly how long she'd actually slept. 

Ranec smiled at her and shrugged. "Not too long ago. We thought if the baby was coming that you'd need more room." 

Madenia didn't look at anyone as Ranec was speaking, and Ayla felt herself growing more concerned for the woman everyday. "Madenia, are you ok with this idea? If not, you can still have your own tent?" 

Madenia smiled at her before glancing nervously towards Jondalar, then Ranec. She looked down again and busied herself with stroking Wolf's fur. "The baby's more important. I don't mind." 

"Good, it's settled then." Jondalar smiled. They would all share a tent until after Ayla was recovered enough from giving birth. 

"I need to feed Tholiza," Ayla announced, and Ranec reached for the toddler who'd been entertaining herself with Madenia's pack. It didn't take much to distract the small child and they often found her examining with great interest a knuckle bone, or stick, or scrap of leather. 

While Ayla fed Tholiza, Jondalar and Ranec went outside. Ayla was glad for the opportunity to speak with Madenia alone. 

  
"That was very sweet of you. I know you haven't been too comfortable around Ranec and Jondalar, and I hope you'll tell me if you change your mind." 

Madenia blushed deeply, avoiding Ayla's concerned gaze. If Ayla only knew *why* she was uncomfortable around them! She was a woman now, and she shouldn't feel flustered like a girl around men, but that's exactly how Jondalar made her feel. He'd been extra nice to her, and attentive, and Madenia didn't know how to handle her feelings. If Losaduna had been there she could have talked to him about it, but he wasn't. Ranec seemed nice enough, and he seemed interested in her, but Madenia didn't really know him. She wasn't 'drawn' to him like she was to Jondalar. 

Maybe it was because of the fantasies she had had all those years after meeting Ayla and Jondalar for the first time. She didn't know. One part of her never wanted another man to look at her let alone touch her, but the other part wanted to experience and feel what Ayla did. Almost every detail from that night, the night she snuck to the hot springs and watched them make love, was still embedded in her memory. 

When Madenia didn't answer, Ayla frowned and was about to say something when Jondalar poked his head back through the tent opening. Madenia jumped, then blushed as she stared at him before turning away. 

It was finally starting to dawn on Ayla why Madenia was uncomfortable and she turned to Jondalar to see what he needed. 

"It's too late today to travel, and Ranec and I are going to see if we can replenish our supplies. Not too far back we saw a small heard of deer. If they hadn't traveled far we should be able to bring down one or two of them. 

Ayla smiled at him. "That sounds like a good idea. Why don't you take Whinney and Racer? Wolf can stay here with us." 

Jondalar hesitated then nodded. "Are you sure the baby isn't coming?" He asked, uncertainly, causing Ayla to laugh. 

"Only the Mother knows when it's time for a baby to be born, but yes, I'm pretty sure it isn't coming right now." 

Jondalar let out a relieved breath and reached for her hand, squeezing it slightly before starting out of the tent opening. 

"Wait." Madenia called, and fidgeted when he turned his piercing blue eyes to her. "I....you might get hungry." She handed him two containers. One was a bladder full of water, and the other was a leather pouch with some of the grain cakes Ayla made earlier, as well as dried meat they used when traveling. 

Jondalar smiled one of his best smiles at her, making Madenia have to remind herself to breathe. "That's very thoughtful of you Madenia. I'm sure Ranec and I will be starved later on." With that said, Jondalar left the tent leaving a very flustered Madenia behind. 


	2. DanceWith the Wind, Part 2

dance2

Jondalar guided Racer at a lazy pace. They hadn't found the small herd of deer they'd spied before, and nothing big seemed to want to be found. Ranec had killed a few birds they saw nesting on the ground, and Jondalar killed a giant gopher, but that was about it. It was almost dark and they were heading back to the camp. 

Racer hesitated and laid his ears back before prancing nervously, giving Jondalar a heads up. He knew something had to have spooked the horse, but scanning the area, he didn't see anything. 

Ranec pulled up along side him on Whinney. He had never really wanted to ride the mare, but after traveling for so long he'd finally gotten used to it. He still hadn't rode the stallion alone, and oddly enough found himself looking forward to the experience. 

"Do you see anything?" Jondalar whispered, and Ranec shook his head as he scanned the area. The density of the trees made it difficult to find predators, but both horses were now definitely experiencing signs of distress. 

"Let Whinney take the lead, she'll know which direction to head in." Jondalar offered. 

Ranec let go of the leather strap he used to help guide the mare, and as if on que, Whinney turned and trotted at a fast pace away from the area. Racer followed his dam without hesitation and after a few moments of riding both horses seemed to visibly relax. 

"We'll have to take a wide berth to get back to the women," Ranec commented. "Why don't we go inland further? Whatever it was, was probably heading for the stream." 

"I wanted to get fresh water on the way back, but we can get some in the morning. We still had a good bit left at camp." 

The temperature was dropping rapidly as the sun set and Jondalar picked up the pace. 

By the time they made it back to camp, it was dark as could be. Ayla and Madenia had lit quite a few fires around the camp. 

Ranec and Jondalar dismounted immediately and Jondalar gave Racer a pat before heading for the tent. 

"Ayla? Madenia?" he called, as he tried to quell the knots in his stomach. Normally the women would be around the fire, and there wouldn't be so many fires at that. Did they perhaps anticipate them finding the deer? 

Madenia came out of the tent and ran into Jondalar's arms. Shocked at first, he regained his composure and wrapped his arms around the young woman. "Shh, we're here now. What's happened?" 

When Madenia didn't answer, Ranec hurried over to the tent and lifted the flap back as he squatted down. 

"Ayla?" he asked when he saw her small figure huddled into a ball. "Ayla, are you alright?" 

Jondalar overheard Ranec's concern and pulled Madenia from him as he hurried to the tent. Ranec had already gone inside and was staring at Ayla with tears in his eyes. 

"What happened?" 

He could hear Ayla softly crying, and it was only then he became aware of other signs around the tent. There was blood on the furs, and her golden hair was plastered to her head with sweat. 

"Oh Doni!" Jondalar scrambled towards Ayla and gently started to turn her over, fearing the worst. In her arms, was a small bundle of furs. Ranec, who had been sitting on the other side of Ayla, had already seen what Jondalar was just discovering. 

"I tried&127." Ayla sobbed in a whisper. "I did everything I could. He wasn't breathing when he was born. I tried&127.." 

as realization dawned on Jondalar, Ayla broke down in a fresh set of tears. "Oh Doni, No!" Jondalar cried as he took Ayla in his arms. Ranec was also crying openly now, and from outside somewhere, the lone howl of a wolf could be heard as Wolf mourned with the rest of his pack. 

As Ayla clung to Jondalar, Ranec gently picked up the bundle and cradled the small form to him. Pulling back the furs, he discovered his own face as if it were sleeping peacefully. 

Ranec's anguish couldn't find voice, and he sat there rocking the child of his spirit. The child he would never have a chance to see grow up. Never have a chance to teach his carving skills to. The child of his heart. 

Ranec felt he couldn't breathe as he held the tiny infant close. 

"I knew I shouldn't have left, I should have stayed," Jondalar cried as fresh tears mixed with Ayla's. 

Tholiza, who had been crying earlier, was now simply staring at the adults in fear. Even at her young age she could sense something terrible was happening. 

Madenia had at some point come back into the tent, though none of them knew just when. She scooped Tholiza into her arms and cried quietly, trying to be non obtrusive. When a tragedy such as this were to happen among her people, only the closest family would be allowed to be with the mother. It was a time of great loss for the entire cave, but the mother's privacy was well respected. 

Ayla finally pulled back from Jondalar and reached for the tiny bundle. Ranec's eyes met hers as he handed the baby boy to her, and she rolled on her side as she cuddled him once again. Jondalar swallowed hard as he tentatively reached forward and pulled the furs back to reveal the infant, and his breath caught when he realized who's spirit had helped make the child. 

Jondalar's emotions went from one of abject dispare to the knot of jealousy he felt building in in stomach. Ayla made a sound and he glanced down at her to see fear on her face, as well as grief. He knew that there was no place in their lives for jealousy. Not now, not ever. He only wished that he could erase the pain she was feeling. He stared at Ranec not knowing what to say, but finally nodded his head, resigned. He pulled Ayla to him once more wishing he could have been there for her when she needed him. 

They'd only been gone half a day! How could this have happened? 

No one was sure just how much time had passed, but it was darker then the blackest fur outside. The moon was no where to be seen ,and they could hear animals off in the distance, some not too far away. 

Finally, after Ayla had fallen into a fitful sleep, Jondalar gently laid her down. She still had the child in her arms, and he knew there was much work to be done. 

When he stepped outside he was surprised at how cold the night had become. Sounds from animals drawn to the blood could be heard, and more than once he heard Wolf let out a warning growl, though he still couldn't see where Wolf had gotten to. 

Both Whinney and Racer had decided to stay inside the fire rings, and Jondalar then remembered the fresh kills they'd brought back with them. Taking a piece of rope, he tied the small animals together and flung the other end around the branch of a tree. They were almost directly over a fire and Jondalar knew that something would have to work very hard if they wanted them. 

The tent flap opened and soon Ranec was standing beside Jondalar as they both looked out into the darkness. 

"I'm sorry," the carver started. 

"So am I." 

They didn't quite know what to say to each other. Suddenly, they could hear the sounds of a reed flute being played somewhere in the darkness, and both men's flesh crawled with goosebumps. 

It was coming from the west, the directing they were traveling in. I was as if even the earth was morning their loss. 

"I'll," Ranec's throat constricted and he had to try again. "I'll prepare a place for the baby." 

Jondalar only nodded, trying to keep his feelings in check. After a moment, he spoke. "I'll uh....gather more wood for the fires. We have to keep whatever is out there away." 

Ranec nodded in agreement, and both set off to do their tasks. 

Ayla stared at the wall of the tent as dawn approached. She was alone except for Tholiza, and her new baby. She didn't feel as if she had any more tears to cry. Beside her sat a cup of cold willowbark tea. She didn't know who had given it to her, but she didn't feel like drinking or eating anything.

Why? She wanted to know. Why were all her sons taken from her? Her eyes traveled to the tiny bundle again and pulled back the furs so she could remember every part of him.Someone had washed him, and he looked like any other newborn would. He was big. He should have been strong. She knew that his spirit had been stolen before he was born and anger welled inside her. 

He had been a mixture of her and Ranec. So tiny. So perfect. His umbilical cord was still attached, and it was then Ayla realized that she'd never even had a chance to tie it off. When he was stillborn, she had tried everything she knew to get him to live. She cleaned out his mouth and nose, and blew her air into his tiny lungs. She tried over and over until Madenia shook her and made her realize that it was too late. That's all she really remembered about that horrible night last night.

She vaguely remembered Ranec and Jondalar crying with her. And she remembered Ranec's eyes. Those eyes would haunt her dreams the rest of her life. Ayla felt shaky and weak as she sat up, and it was then she realized that she'd been washed and the furs changed. She reached for her pack and dug out the carrying cloak she'd made. Ayla held it to her cheek and closed her eyes, as she had done so many times in the past with another carrying cloak.

She had made it in the clan style, remembering Durc. Ayla knew what had to be done. He had to be given to the Great Earth Mother, and she had to say good-bye once again, to a son.

******~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~*********

Ayla screamed and sat bolt upright in her furs, pushing them off her in the process. Jondalar jumped up from beside her out of a deep sleep and reached for her. Tholiza, startled from her mother's abrupt awakening, screamed in protest at being disturbed. 

"Ayla? Ayla what's wrong?" Jondalar asked as he held her tight. She clung to him crying uncontrollably. Noise could be heard from outside and soon Ranec dove into the tent breathless and naked. 

When he heard her scream he left his bedroll without a second thought to clothes or a weapon. He had to get to her to see what was wrong. 

"Ayla?" Ranec asked, confused. There didn't seem to be any danger that he could tell. 

"Oh Ranec! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." 

Puzzled, he looked at Jondalar who simply shrugged and stroked Ayla's hair. Madenia pushed her way into the tent hesitantly at first. "What happened?" She asked. 

"My baby...I want my baby back...." Ayla sobbed and after a moment of indecision, Ranec picked up Tholiza and moved towards Ayla. 

"She's right here, Ayla. What's the matter? You need to calm down, it isn't good for the baby." Jondalar gently chastised, but it didn't seem to calm her down. 

"NO!" She pushed away from him and looked wildly about the tent. 

"Ayla get a hold of yourself!" Jondalar reached for her again and this time used his strength to make sure she settled down. 

"He's gone....oh Jondalar he's gone....." 

"Who's gone Ayla? Did you have another nightmare? We're here. We're all safe." He reassured her. 

Ayla stopped struggling and after a moment Jondalar released his hold on her. They all stared at Ayla as she looked at their stunned faces, then down at her abdomen. 

She tentatively placed a hand on her large belly and let out a small, hysterical laugh. As reality sunk in, her laughing became more animated as tears ran down her face. "It didn't happen. Oh Mother! It was a dream, a bad dream!" 

Madenia sighed in relief as her mentor seemed to be coming back to reality. She hadn't ever seen Ayla lose control like that before. She was always calm even in the most dire of situations. Wolf, who'd tried his best to blend into a corner of the tent, whined and hunkered towards Ayla. When she reached over and scratched him behind his ears, he licked her leg eagerly, also glad she wasn't hurt. 

"That must have been some nightmare." Ranec let out a nervous laugh. The fact was, he was having a nightmare himself that wasn't too far from what Ayla had experienced. Now was not the time to mention that, he knew. 

"I.....I dreamt that I had the baby. He was born without a spirit. I tried everything I knew but I couldn't save him!" Though reality was sinking in, it still all seemed too real and Ayla's voice shook as she recalled the vivid nightmare. 

Jondalar pulled her once again into his embrace. "No wonder you were hysterical. Nothing's going to happen Ayla, I'll give myself to the Mother herself before I let anything happen to you or this baby, our baby." He added. 

Ranec suddenly felt uncomfortable in their tent. He realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes, and truth be told, he had his heart set on the baby being of his spirit. "Madenia, why don't you make some tea?" He suggested, "I'll check the area to make sure everything's fine with the horses."

He handed Tholiza to Ayla who hugged her tightly before placing her on her breast. When she looked at Ranec's retreating figure though, she couldn't suppress the shudder that went through her. Somehow, she knew it was more than just a dream. 

By the time everyone else settled and fell back to sleep, Ayla was still wide awake. She couldn't hardly remember any details of the dream, except Ranec's eyes and the gut wrenching loss. Her nerves were still on edge, and even with the tea blend Madenia made her, which Ayla had shown her how to prepare, she still couldn't relax. 

Getting up quietly so she wouldn't disturb anyone, Ayla crawled out of the tent. Wolf lifted his head when Ayla stirred and followed her outside. She looked around the small clearing and Whinney nickered a greeting. Ayla wrapped her fur around her as she hunkered by the fire and stirred the hot embers. Adding twigs, then small pieces of wood, she soon had a good sized fire going. 

Wolf made his way around the campsite, marking the territory as his for good measure as Ayla pulled out her red, otterskin medicine bag. Feeling the knots on the small pouches, she pulled out two and mixed the contents in a cup while she waited for water to boil. 

Looking at the night sky, she could tell dawn would be breaking soon. It would be a long day for everyone, thanks to her. She felt embarrassed that she'd caused such a stir but there was nothing she could do about it now. 

Hearing a noise, she turned to see Ranec crawl out of his tent, look around sleepily, then head in her direction. 

"Good morning." She greeted, though she knew it wasn't. "I hope I didn't wake you." 

"What are you doing out here? You should be resting." He chastised as he sat beside her. Ayla took another cup and added some tea leaves to it. She shrugged but didn't answer as the water finally boiled. 

After they each had a cup in hand, Ayla whispered. "I couldn't sleep." 

Ranec nodded. "Me neither." He gave her a sidelong glance. "Are you sure you're all right? You gave us quite a scare earlier." 

Ayla did her best to smile at him. "Yes. I just had a nightmare. It was worse than usual. I can't seem to get back to sleep." 

Ranec smiled at her as he placed his cup down. "Here," he reached for her and placed her head in his lap as he massaged her lower back. "Just relax. Nothing's going to happen. I promise." 

Ayla shuddered as a feeling of foreboding swept over her. She felt as if she'd already had this conversation with Ranec before. In fact, almost the entire situation seemed familiar to her. Ranec spoke softly to her as he massaged her back and stroked her hair, and after awhile, that along with the tea finally lulled her into a deep, well deserved, sleep. 


	3. Dance With the Wind, Part 3

Body Jondalar woke groggily and reached over for Ayla, only to find an empty spot. Puzzled and concerned after the episode she'd had last evening, he quickly dressed and checked on Tholiza one last time before leaving the tent. Looking around the area, he spied Ranec and her by the fire. Letting out a relieved breath he sat down beside them. 

"Oh Doni!" He whispered hoarsely, "when I woke and she was gone I thought my heart stopped!" 

Ranec looked uncomfortable as Ayla slept on oblivious. 

"I found her out here a few hours ago. She said she couldn't sleep but she finally did. I tried to take her back into the tent but she started mumbling. I didn't want to wake her." 

Jondalar frowned as he reached over and lightly touched her cheek. "We should get her back into the tent. Being out in this weather isn't good for her and the baby." 

Ranec looked over at the small tent and sighed. It would be difficult moving her into the small area without waking her. He knew he had to do something quickly though, he had to relieve himself! 

"Jondalar, would you get me a fur from my tent?" 

Jondalar looked at the dark man, then realization hit him. The agitation he felt was common if someone had been sitting on the cold ground for hours. With a hint of a smile, Jondalar went to the tent and retrieved the item. 

Working together, they placed it under Ayla's head and Ranec slipped out from his perch. Without a word, he ran into the woods and Jondalar had to stifle a laugh at the other man's expense. 

He reached down to take Ayla into his arms, then stopped. It wouldn't be easy to move her into the tent, but he also couldn't leave her out here. Normally she'd already be awake for the day, but he knew after the trauma from last night she'd sleep later. 

Sighing, he sat back on his haunches and looked up at the sky. Her health was more important and somehow he knew they wouldn't be traveling today. Well, he thought, they could always take the time to hunt and rebuild their supplies. This area wasn't too bad. There was a stream nearby and plenty of wood available to dry the meat. 

Ranec returned then and added more snow to the skin by the fire. "Well?" 

"Let's let her sleep. We can stay here for a day or two and go hunting. She needs the rest. I was thinking, why don't we combine the tents? We could share sleeping space like before, but with the two tents it will give much more room for Ayla." 

Ranec's throat constricted. He'd be sleeping beside Ayla again. He wasn't quite sure if it was a blessing or a curse, but either way, he wouldn't, couldn't, give up the opportunity to be close to her. 

He managed to nod and cleared his throat. "What about Madenia's tent? Perhaps she'd like to join us." 

Jondalar thought of the way she'd been acting lately and had his doubts if she'd say yes. "It couldn't hurt to ask. When she wakes up we'll decided then." 

~~~~~~~~~~~` 

Ayla woke to find Madenia sitting with her back to her. She was humming softly under her breath as she entertained Tholiza and repaired a pair of trousers. Ayla sat up and Madenia turned, smiling at her. 

"Good afternoon! We didn't think you'd wake up at all today. I have some stew from last night warming by the fire, would you like some?" 

Ayla scratched her head and looked around the tent groggily. "I need to pass my water first." 

"Jondalar and Ranec are outside. They're making more points for the spear throwers." 

"Why didn't anyone wake me?" 

Madenia shrugged and went back to her sewing. As Ayla pulled her parka on, she realized that there was more room in the tent than normal. "Did they put all the tents together?" 

Madenia blushed slightly. "Yes. They decided that you'd need more room with the baby soon to be born." 

Ayla frowned, puzzled, but headed outside. Glancing around, she noticed both men hunkered by the fire. Ranec was carving the shafts straight and Jondalar was fastening flint points on the wooden shafts. The air had become decidedly colder and Ayla held her stomach as she made her way towards the men. 

When Jondalar spied her, he couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she looked. Holding the growing life inside her, smiling at him in return. 

"Why didn't you wake me?" Ayla asked as she leaned over and gave him a kiss. 

"You needed your rest. Do you feel better now?" 

Ayla nodded and walked into the woods, Wolf at her heels. She wasn't aware that two sets of eyes watched her go, both filled with want and longing. 

The next day Ayla was up early as usual, the fear of her nightmare dissipating slowly. She watched as the sun rose through the trees and wished they'd leave the woods soon. As much as she loved the trees, it was disconcerting to not be able to see far ahead. They still had to reach the glacier, then cross over. It was going to be a long journey and her spirit guides and been urging them to continue. 

Making a breakfast for everyone, Ayla rubbed her lower back. She'd been having a hard time finding a comfortable position, and more than once she'd woken up during the night because of it. 

Jondalar was the next to wake and joined Ayla by the fire. At first neither talked as Jondalar sipped his tea, and used the thistle that Ayla gave him. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Ayla spoke. 

"Jondalar?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Why did you pick now to put the tents together? Aren't we leaving today? We still have a long way to go." 

Jondalar smiled at the worried look on her face. Sometimes she just tried to take care of too much. 

"I spoke with Ranec and we decided to replenish our supplies while we can. There's a lot of animals nearby that have their trails going to the stream, and we can use the water for cleaning and gutting them. We'll probably leave in a day or two if we're lucky today." 

"You're hunting today?" Ayla asked, the familiar sense of foreboding washing over her. 

Jondalar nodded as he downed the rest of his tea. "We'll head out after breakfast and most likely be back by dark." 

"Why don't we all go?" Ayla asked, not wanting to be left behind for a reason she couldn't quite fathom. "That way we'll have more of a chance of bringing back more?" 

"What about Tholiza? Ayla you're almost due." Jondalar couldn't resist pulling her towards him and caressing her abdomen. "You need to look out for this little one also. Besides, I'm sure Ranec and myself will be able to find something." 

Ayla couldn't think of any argument that would convince him to stay, and she knew they had to take the opportunity to hunt while they could. The weather could change any moment and what good would it do any of them to be without food? 

"I'll make something for you two to take along. You make sure you take time to eat, ok?" 

Jondalar gave a heartfelt laugh as he hugged Ayla to him. "Yes Mother." 

Ayla's mouth dropped open and she playfully pushed him. "That's not funny." 

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry." 

They both stared at each other for a moment before they broke out into fits of laughter together. Ayla reached up and hugged him in her exuberance and before she knew it, Jondalar had captured her mouth for a hungry kiss. By the time he pulled back, she was breathless and wanting of him. 

"Oh Ayla," he ground out as he captured her mouth again, his hand reaching under her parka to cup a breast. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?" 

Ayla smiled slyly at him. "I think I have a pretty good idea." 

Ayla laughed as Jondalar scooped her into his powerful arms and turned towards the tent. He frowned then, remembering that they weren't alone any longer. Not one to give up, he sat her back down and held up his hand for her to wait. Rushing into the tent, he returned a moment later with a fur and slung it over his shoulder. Picking her up again, he headed into the woods. 


	4. Dance With the Wind, Part 4

Body Ayla watched Jondalar and Ranec leave with a sense of dread. She didn't know  
why she was feeling this way, but it took everything in her power to not run  
after them to stop. Wolf whined beside her and she reached down to give him  
a reassuring pat. Even he knew something wasn't right.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she turned and surveyed the area. If the men were  
successful in their hunt they'd need a lot more fires to keep away the  
predators as well as dry the meat. She hoped they would be. That would prove  
the Mother was still watching over them, and that they'd made the right  
decision.  
  
She noticed Madenia watching her with worry and forced herself to smile. "It looks like we'll have fresh meat soon! I think I'm going to get my sling and see if I can find anything to go with it. I saw some pine nuts not too far  
from here."  
  
"I'll go with you." Madenia offered as she stood and brushed the snow off of  
her bottom.  
  
Ayla went into the tent to dress Tholiza, and packed a small lunch for them.  
It didn't take long before they too, were headed out of camp, Wolf at their  
heels.  
  
  
  
Madenia broke a twig in two and looked at the meaty inside. She glanced at  
Ayla questioningly and the older woman nodded. "even in winter if you break  
the twigs and strip the outer bark you can eat the inside. It's sorta bitter  
but nourishing. Sometimes I add it to rosehips and steep it. The bitterness  
goes away then and it makes a good tea."  
  
Once again she was surprised at how much Ayla knew and handed her half of  
the twig. They both sucked on their twigs as Ayla went to the base of a tree  
and started digging. After getting through the three feet of snow, she  
started on the frozen ground beneath. Madenia helped her, and it wasn't long  
before Ayla uncovered some frozen carrot roots.  
  
"How did you know these were here?" Madenia asked in awe.  
  
Ayla smiled at her, feeling rather well. "Actually I didn't. Wolf knocked  
the snow off those branches when he went past and I saw the tip. This is a  
welcome treat! It's almost as if we'll have our own festival tonight."  
  
Both women grinned as Ayla added their latest find to the almost full basket  
she carried.  
  
Madenia shifted Tholiza's weight from the back carrier she was wearing.  
Though it was easier than carrying her in a front carrier, and left her arms  
free for doing tasks, the toddler didn't want to stay still and more than  
once Madenia had to rearrange her. She knew it would be awhile before she  
got all the baby goo out of her hair though.  
  
When Ayla stopped for a rest, Madenia placed Tholiza on the ground in front  
of them and let out a sigh. What she wouldn't give to be in the hot springs  
right now!  
  
Ayla handed her some dried meat and the stomach of cold tea. Knowing they  
wouldn't be stopping long ayla didn't want to start a fire. The baby kicked  
and Ayla smiled as she placed her hand on her stomach. When she noticed  
Madenia looking at her, she took the woman's hand and placed it along side  
so she could also feel the new life moving.  
  
"It kicked!" Madenia exclaimed as her face broke into a wide grin.  
  
"He does that a lot." Ayla admitted. After a few moments Madenia pulled back  
and smiled a dreamy smile. "I can't wait until I have a baby."  
  
Broaching the subject hadn't been easy for Ayla, but now she had some kind  
of opening.  
  
"Madenia, can I ask you something?"  
  
The woman nodded as she took a sip of tea from the bladder. "anything."  
  
"You've mentioned that your first rites weren't the way you'd have liked  
them. Have you.shared pleasures since then with anyone?"  
  
Madenia felt the heat rise to her face as she looked away. Ayla watched as  
she brushed imaginary snow off her trousers, and play with her meat.  
Finally, she spoke.  
  
"No. It's all a lie. There were no pleasures in it for me."  
  
Ayla felt her heart go out to Madenia. Had she not had such a wonderful and  
caring teacher in Jondalar, she may have always hated the Mother's gift.  
Instead she now embraced it.  
  
"I'm sorry. You may not want to hear this, but if you don't honor the  
Mohter, you may never have a child of your own."  
  
Madenia's eyes welled up with tears and she pulled her knees up, buring her  
face. "don't say that." Came her muffled reply.  
  
Ayla moved over and hugged her. "I know you don't want to face that, but it'  
s true. I believe.that when a man fills a woman with his essense, a baby  
starts." Ayla frowned. "It doesn't happen every time though, so the spirits  
have something to do with it too, but I'm sure you can see if you look at a  
baby and those who started it."  
  
Madenia thought about the birth's at her cave despite not wanting to accpet  
what ayla had said. Yes, a lot of times they could tell just by looking at a  
child who's spirit had helped make it, but other times you couldn't.  
  
"Why don't you give it another chance? When we reach the Zelandonii, or even  
the Lanzandonii, try honoring the Mother. She may be so pleased with you  
that she blesses you."  
  
Madenia shrugged as she pulled back and wiped her nose and eyes with the  
sleeve of her parka. The last thing she wanted was for any man to touch her!  
Well, that wasn't exactly true. She wouldn't mind if one man touched her.  
  
"We should go back. It 's getting late in the day." Madenia offered, trying  
to changed the subject.  
  
Ayla nodded and stood, then helped madenia strap Tholiza onto her back. Once  
settled, Ayla picked up the basket and was straightening when a pain shot  
through her. Gasping, she dropped the basket and fell to her knees as she  
held her stomach.  
  
"Ayla!" Madenia rushed back to her sitting in front of her. "What's wrong?!"  
  
Ayla finally managed to take a breath and she looked at Madenia wide eyed in  
shock. "I think the baby's coming."  
  
Madenia's hand flew to her mouth as she looked around. "No! you can't have  
the baby here. We have to get you back to the camp!"  
  
Ayla felt the warm liquid trickle down her leg and knew her birthwaters had  
broke. She also knew they had at least a half hour walk back to camp and  
only hoped that they could make it.  
  
Ayla nodded and Madenia helped her stand, then gathered the vegetables and p  
lants back into the basket. Holding the basket with one hand, she took hold  
of Ayla's arm and they slowly made their way back to camp.  
  
  
  
Jondalar could barely feel his face as he charged forward on Racer's back  
towards a small herd of bison. Normally that would have been suicide, but he  
knew luck was with them when they saw an older bull off by himself. It was  
apparent he was having trouble keeping up with the rest, and from what they  
could tell, the herd hadn't been fairing well this winter, but they were  
still dangerous if you came too close. The herd scattered into a stampeed as  
both Jondalar and Ranec moved in on the animal. As if sensing the end was  
near the beast ran away from the two normally docile horses but was coming  
up fast on a rock face.  
  
There was no where left for the animal to escape to, and in a last ditch  
effort to thwart its attackers, the bison turned on the men. Two spears hit  
the bull at the same time and it let out a loud protest before falling  
gracefully to the ground.  
  
The earth beneath the beast grew crimson as the Great Earth Mother took Her  
creature home. Jondalar smiled broadly at Ranec as he lept off Racer with  
years of practice. Yanking his spear from the animal, he offered his thanks  
to the Mother for allowing them food.  
  
Ranec pulled his spear also and frowned when he noticed a broken tip. It  
must have hit a bone, he thought wryly as he took the shattered tip off the  
shaft and placed the shaft back into his carrying case.  
  
Ranec rubbed his chin as he looked at the large animal. It would take them a  
few hours just to gut the creature, then they'd have to make a travoise to  
haul the meat back to camp.  
  
"Jondalar." Ranec looked at the blond man who was getting ready to slit the  
underside of the bison. "Why don't we take it back to camp with us? That way  
we can clean it there and we'll be with the women?"  
Jondalar considered the idea, and shrugged. "we're only a few hours away. It  
should be alright. We could tie a rope around it and the horses could pull  
it."  
  
"That's what I was thinking also." Ranec agreed, and the two set out to take  
their prize home.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ayla rested again by a fallen tree as she watched Madenia pace nervously  
back and forth. This was the fifth time they'd stopped and Ayla knew they  
were only about half way to camp. She was surprised that her contractions  
had come on so strong and felt as if she could give birth to the baby right  
here. The pain subsided again and Ayla vaguely wondered how she had enough  
stregnth to even continue on. Knowing she didn't want to give birth out  
here, with no fire, no furs, kept her motivated. Wolf whined by her leg and  
she gave him a firm signal. She hadn't used it in awhile, but when she added  
the words "Find Jondalar", Wolf yipped and took off through the woods.  
  
Madenia was surprised and looked at Ayla. "Do you really think he'll be able  
to find him?"  
  
ayla was about to tell her of the time at the Mamutoi summer meeting when  
Rydag was ill, and she origionally taught Wolf the signal but another pain  
was starting. The most she could do was nod as they continuted forward  
slowly. 

  
  
Both Ranec and Jondalar wanted to get back to the camp   
as soon as possible, but the bison presented a problem.   
They briefly thought of leaving it behind, but many   
years of survival told them not to. After all, it was   
winter and the Mother could take her blessings back at   
any time.   
"You go ahead. I'll catch up when I can." Ranec   
selflessly offered. Though his guts were twisting into a   
hard knot of anxiety, he knew that if Ayla sent Wolf she   
needed at least one of them right away.   
Jondalar didn't need anymore encouragement than   
that. "Hah!" letting out a yell and nudging Racer with   
his legs, the stallion took off at a fast gallop, with   
Wolf at his heels.  
Ranec had to hold onto Whinney's guide strap to make   
sure she stayed with him. It wasn't easy. For as compact   
as the step horse was, she was all muscle.  
Ranec adjusted the ropes around their kill and urged   
Whinney on at a faster pace. The hide of the animal   
would all but be ruined, but at least they'd still have   
the meat and intestines. Getting back to camp took   
precedence over everything.  
  
Jondalar was confused at first when Wolf veered in   
another direction away from the camp. If Ayla needed   
him, then why was he going this way? It occurred to him   
that she may have went hunting on her own and that   
thought was followed by a number of scenarios, each   
worse than the first. He imagined her being attacked by   
a wild animal, unable to make it back to the camp, or   
she could have fallen down a hill and hurt herself. By   
the time Wolf stopped he was imagining the worst that   
she was dead.   
Looking around the area he couldn't see anything out of   
the ordinary. "Ayla!" he called, but there was no   
answer. Scanning the area where Wolf whined he saw a few   
fresh pulled roots laying on the ground. Picking one up,   
he sat on his haunches and looked for tracks. There   
weren't any animal ones, except for Wolf's, but there   
was definitely two sets of footprints in the snow. He   
recognized Ayla's as if it were his own.  
Slightly comforted by the fact that Madenia must have   
been with her, and that there was no blood, he took note   
that the tracks were heading back in the direction of   
camp. Jondalar leapt onto Racer's back again and quickly   
headed off into that direction.  
Ranec had made good time getting back to camp despite   
the extra weight he was dragging behind him. He knew it   
was not too far away, and would be relieved when he   
reached there. The bison had inadvertently drawn a few   
scavengers who Ranec knew were trailing him. Every once   
in a while he would hear the unmistakable cackle of a   
hyena. Not stopping, he patted the mare   
affectionately. "I know your nervous. We're almost   
there."  
Whinney's ears laid back as he spoke soothingly and she   
picked up her pace somewhat.  
  
Ranec could smell the fire and was just coming up on the   
camp when a noise from his left caught his attention.   
He turned just in time to see a bold hyena lunge towards   
Whinney, aiming for her hind legs. The Mare shied away   
and reared, knocking Ranec off before she ran towards   
the smell of the fire. The smell of safety.  
Ranec was temporarily winded as he pulled himself up to   
a sitting position. His spear thrower was still in the   
side basket on Whinney, and he was defenseless. The   
Hyena that had gone after Whinney had now turned its   
attention to Ranec and he threw his arm up to protect   
himself as it leapt towards him.   
A low growl came from somewhere and the hyena was   
knocked off course by Wolf! Ranec could only watch as   
the two fought it out, then a spear struck true and the   
hyena let out a yelp of pain before succumbing to the   
darkness.  
Jondalar slid off Racer's back and ran over to   
Ranec. "Are you ok?"  
  
Ranec, breathing hard, continued to stare at the dead   
animal a moment longer before nodding his head and   
tearing his eyes away from the scene. Wolf's stance was   
proud as he let out a victory howl. If other challengers   
were in the area, they stayed away from the large lupine.  
Jondalar held his hand out and helped Ranec to   
stand. "It looks as if I owe you my life once again."   
Ranec conceded.  
"You can thank me later," Jondalar offered with a small   
hint of humor, but his eyes belied the anxiety he was   
feeling. Both men turned their attention back to their   
goal and ran the small distance to the camp. Racer and   
Whinney had both huddled close to the fire and Wolf took   
it upon himself to guard the area. Sounds could be heard   
in the woods as scavengers made little work of their   
fallen friend. For now, they were appeased.  
"Ayla? Madenia?" Jondalar called out as he headed   
towards the tent, and Madenia immediately crawled out.   
At first she looked at Ranec, confused, then looked at   
Jondalar.   
Both men could tell she'd been crying and Jondalar   
rushed forward. "Where's Ayla?"  
"She's in the tent. We went to gather what we could and   
she went into labor. I didn't think we'd make it back to   
camp. She was so exhausted."  
Jondalar didn't wait for her to finish speaking as he   
went to the tent. Hesitating slightly, he scratched on   
the leather and entered. Though he helped to birth   
Tholiza, this was a woman's place. He still felt awkward   
being there at a time like this.  
Ranec followed Jondalar, hoping he wasn't intruding. He   
stayed at the entrance as he looked on.  
Ayla was curled into a ball, her back to them as   
Jondalar approached her.   
"Ayla? I'm here."  
He gently turned her over slightly to find her eyes   
closed. A small bundle of furs laid beside her and he   
had to swallow the lump in his throat. There was blood   
on the furs, and her hair was plastered to her forehead   
with sweat.   
"Ayla?" he called again softly, then realized she must   
be sleeping.  
Kissing her lips gently, he turned his attention to the   
baby. As he picked up the tiny bundle, Ranec felt   
someone nudge him into the tent and without thinking, he   
found himself drawn to the scene before him.  
Madenia came into the tent then, and all were quiet as   
Jondalar held the small babe close to him, pulling back   
the furs to see if Ayla had been blessed with a son, or   
a daughter. 

  
  



	5. Dance With the Wind, Last Part

Body No one seemed to even breathe as Jondalar stared at the baby. When he didn't speak right away, Ranec became worried and cleared his throat. The noise seemed to bring Jondalar out of his reverie, and he took a deep breath. Turning tear filled eyes to the two onlookers, he gave a strained smile. 

"I have a son." 

Madenia looked at Jondalar oddly. _He_ had a son? It dawned on her then that he must also believe Ayla's theory on how life was started. She watched as he placed a gentle kiss on the baby's forehead, then moved so Ranec could get a better look at the child. 

Ranec felt as if his throat wouldn't work, and it took two efforts to produce any sound. "Congratulations" he finally managed to croak out, but Jondalar didn't notice. He studied the tiny infant. The child was perfect. What else could be expected though? Ayla was the Mother incarnate so it was natural any child she bore would be perfect. 

Ranec reached out and touched the baby's light brown hair, taking note of how soft it was and the slight curl to it. He then turned his attention to the tiny fingers rubbing his finger gently around them. As if a reflex, the sleeping babe grasped his finger tightly and Ranec felt a jolt run through him. Smiling, he looked back at Jonadalar. 

"He's perfect." 

Jondalar beamed with pride as he wrapped the child up again and placed him back in the crook of Ayla's arm. 

"How long has she been asleep?" he asked Madenia. 

"Since he was born. She was exhausted by the time we made it back to camp. She kept falling asleep inbetween contractions." Madenia let out a shudder. "I didn't know what to do! ! When he was born he wasn't breathing! I've never seen Ayla act the way she did. She seemed to know it was going to happen, and breathed into his mouth over and over, then she started pushing on his chest. I asked her why she did that, and she said that if his heart didn't work then she had to be his heart. She wouldn't give up Jondalar. Afterwards, after he started breathing, she tied off the umbilical cord and placed him  
to her breast then fell asleep."  
Jondalar placed his hand on her shoulder, "You were there with her, that's all that matters." More than ever now, he'd wished that he could have been there for her. Making sure one last time that she was only resting, he thought of everything else that needed to be done. "We have to get the bison gutted before it goes bad." He frowned as he remembered Tholiza's birth. "She needs to be made comfortable too." He didn't know which to do first. 

"I can do that." Madenia offered, relieved that no one was upset with her. She had never been more frightened ever! There was a time she was sure that Ayla was going to be called back to the Mother. 

Still beaming, he nodded to Ranec and both went outside to take care of the meat. 

Ranec threw another stick into the darkness. "Damn hyena!" he muttered as he went back to the fire. It seemed as if every scavenger between here and the Mamutoi had smelled the blood and came looking for a quick meal. Both horses had positioned themselves directly in front of the tent and more than once he had to physically restrain Wolf from tearing off into the woods after something. 

He had volunteered to take first watch, not wanting to be in the tent. Though he would never admit it to anyone, he had been hoping that the child would have been of his spirit. Why wasn't it? He wondered. After all he and Ayla did share pleasures – twice. If what she believed was true, then they could have started a baby then. Was he being punished by the Mother? All he ever wanted was to settle down and find a good mate, raise her children. That wasn't exactly true, he grimly admitted. He could have had all that and more. Tricie was a high status woman. Daughter of a co-leader. She had already given him a son of his spirit and was more than willing to mate with him. No. what he wanted was to have a hearth with Ayla. He found that she was all he ever thought of day and night. 

He could tell from the position of the stars that his shift was almost up and added more wood to the fires before going into the tent. 

Holding the small lamp made with rendered fat, he crawled over to Jondalar and shook him. 

"Hmm?" 

"It's your watch." 

He watched as the blond man untangled his naked body from around Ayla's and pulled his clothes on. Donning his parka and winter mittens, he started out of the tent. 

"I left some tea warming by the fire." Ranec quietly added as he undressed and slipped into the furs. 

As tired as he was, Ranec couldn't bring himself to sleep and miss this opportunity. He was alone, well, almost alone, with Ayla and watched as she peacefully slept. Madenia had told him that she had waken briefly earlier while he was outside tying meat onto drying racks, but he hadn't gone in then. Her hair shined in the light from the tiny lamp and he had to swallow a lump that had formed in his throat. 

The baby was at her breast, asleep, but still latched on. She was full of the Mother's blessing with her milk laden breasts and the furs were down by her waist so he drank his fill of her beauty. 

Glancing towards the tent entrance, he tentatively reached out and touched her cheek. She sighed in her sleep and he trailed his hand down her arm, then lightly caressed her breast. Knowing he shouldn't, Ranec then scooted closer, placing his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. He could feel his manhood straining with desire and had to close his eyes to control himself. When he opened them, he almost let out a surprised shout. 

Not breathing, he stared at Ayla as she watched him. Feeling the heat rise to his face, he tried to think of an excuse, any excuse. He couldn't believe he allowed himself to act so foolishly. 

"I......I uh...." He couldn't even think of anything to say! Sitting up quickly, he reached for his trousers. "I'm sorry. I just....I'll never do that again. I'll sleep outside tonight, and tomorrow I'll disassemble my tent." He was babbling and he knew it, but at that moment he wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock and die! 

"Wait." 

Just as he reached for his parka, her sweet voice stopped him. Not even daring to turn to face her, he stilled. 

"Please don't leave." 

Hesitantly, he turned towards her looking for any signs of anger. When he found none, he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. 

She held out her hand to him, and he quietly sat beside her again, taking her hand. 

Ayla smiled wistfully at him before whispering, "Have you met your son yet?" 


End file.
